My 1995 Grand Marquis led a good life. Grandpa's before mine, it was the first car I called my own. I never really named her like most people name their first cars, but she was still all mine.

Some called her the Love Machine, some the Pimpmobile. Most knew this beauty simply as "Dan Kelley's ridiculous beast of a car". Whatever you called it, it surely touched your life, and this little website is a tribute to its greatness:

It seemed like I was always driving...

Usually because I had the biggest car...

It took me to some cool places... Florida, Virginia, California...

Augusta...

Rolla...

A QuikStop outside of K.C. for a bad Jay & Silent Bob impression...

I could even multitask while driving!

Sometimes I let other people drive my baby...

Brad drove her a little bit of the way to Florida...

Micah took us part of the way to Nashville...

Andrew used her to destroy an old keyboard...

Seriously, though, that keyboard had it coming!

She'd even put up with us while stirring up shit!

Sadly, this is the only remainder of the "offensive road signs":

WHO'S LAUGHIN NOW?!?!

Sometimes I wasn't even driving, and my car was still awesome...

She carried lots of happy passengers...

The Jens are having a blast in my car in LA

(Note the window sticker... I accepted Visa, Mastercard, and Diner's Club. Why Diner's Club? Because eatin' ain't cheatin'!)

She had such a comfy back seat, you could just fall asleep...

A beautiful backdrop for songwriting...

Or for snowfall...

The best picture ever taken in my old car:

I will use that for anal bum cover one day.

So, in conclusion, my old car was freakin awesome. It's unfortunate that she's no longer with us, but she led a good life, and we had many good times together.